All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I want her autograph on my taint
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
