if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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