the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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