went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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