remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
