im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
