I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
