How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
