So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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