I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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