Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
