Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
