Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
