He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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