I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
