are you still at the devil's house?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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