Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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