I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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