I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
