I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
