Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
