Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
