Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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