I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
