very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Randomize
