he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
