We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
