I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She's the barista slut.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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