I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
