We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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