I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
