why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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