dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
