He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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