did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
