id be glad to
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
