My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
