Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
