In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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