The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
