I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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