9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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