I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
