Plan B is the new Plan A
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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