I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
