did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
