yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
