fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
