I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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