I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
im six kinds of drunk right now
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
