Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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