Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
