Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
