I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
